“Wait” – M83

It’s been a while. We were stuck in a slowly spiralling pit in a downward trajectory; every day seeming harder than the last, every day feeling more and more frustrated, feeling more hopeless, and there were points where we seriously doubted whether or not love could be enough, we had so much; but we survived.

We realised that it’s no longer each one of us, it’s simply us; us, we, nosotros, nous, ours. We became more patient, more understanding, more worthy of the love that the other gives, and we try, we try so much every single day.

But still, it had been a long time since we felt real, since we felt what we felt on that beach in El Prat the first week we met. It had been a long time since we looked in each other’s eyes and just knew what the other was thinking, feeling, knowing exactly who they are.

It had been a while.

But on this sleepy summer night in the Jardin of Pedralbes, we swayed gently back and forth, wrapped in each others arms; my head leaning back against your chest, your your cheek pressed to the side of my head. What should have been the main focus of our attention was merely background noise as I breathed in your scent, and felt your arms tighten around me, pressing my entire body to yours.

Then “Wait.” Such a beautiful and important song it has been in my life. I turned to press my face against your chest and I felt your gaze drop to me as your breath softly blew strands of hair from my face, tickling my nose. Your embrace became much stronger, but softer; a place that I could spend a million hours and always feel so safe, a place where nothing else matters except existing by your side.

With my arms so tight around you, and my head pressed deep into your chest, I could feel your breath become longer, deeper, and though you were holding me so tight, I could feel you relax; you laid your cheek against my head, and we swayed back and forth, the same as we do in the living room, the same we did when I fell entirely, completely, eternally in love with you.

And every moment that led to me falling for you came flooding back. I felt that breezy day on the beach, I felt the excitement of seeing you in the Chicago airport, and again in the Barcelona one. I felt you around me as I watched my brother vow his love eternally to his wife, I felt the warmth of your arms around me on that cold cold Tibidabo night.

I felt us again.

In this moment all seemed to melt away and the only thing that mattered was that I was in your arms, and you in mine. I looked up to your face, into your eyes and I could see all of your thoughts, everything that you were feeling, and I felt it too. “I missed you so much my love, my life, my one.” You held my face in your hand and pulled me up for a kiss.

This kiss.

This kiss took my breath away and made my knees weak. Your arms were my only source of strength to keep standing, and then you kissed me again. I felt electricity throughout my entire body, and a heat that warms but never burns, a desire for you that I feel every day, intensified a million times over, coursing through my veins as you clutched me tighter to you. I felt myself melt against you.

I pulled back to look into your eyes, running my fingertips over your face, and so many things were running through my mind; how sorry I was for everything that I had done, how much I missed you, how happy it makes me to see you smiling, and how completely, utterly, and irrevocably in love with you I am, and always will be.

You are the only thing that I will never stop fighting for.

my love.

my life.

my one.